If I ever own a retail establishment the following rules shall apply to all customers and employees.

1. If a customer asks a stupid question they can expect to be treated as such. Large worded charts may be employed in the learning process as well as speaking loudly, and then tusseling their hair when task is accomplished. How about a nice cookie then?

2. Should the customer enter a shoe/book/yarn store and ask have you any shoes/books/yarn? All employees are allowed if not encouraged to chase said customer around the store walloping them with a shoe/book/yarn*.

*Or knitting needles, really a discretionary measure best left to the employee.

3. Annoying children will be round up and sold to the circus as Lion bait.

4. Offensive and drunk patrons may be neutered on site. We will have our own baby guillotine in the back of shop.